***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
