Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
