i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
