Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
