We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
