Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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