Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
