I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
