Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
