he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
