You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
