the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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