i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
