I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
