All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
