So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
