Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need a burrito and a hug.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I believe in your delicious
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
