don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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