i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sober January is a disaster.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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