im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
