This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
