I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
