Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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