So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
