she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
