I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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