we have officially lost it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
