FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sarcasm needs its own font
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
