in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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