I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
