If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
