I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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