you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
