i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want nice things and good sex
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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