Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
