dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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