I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
