why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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