...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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