The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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