using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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