i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i think i just lost a toe
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
