yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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