I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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