is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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