If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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