you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
