like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
