Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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