Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
