Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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