There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
