My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
