I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize