if you like me you must not know who I am
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
