apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
