Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
