i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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