Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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