I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
