Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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