im drinking this country out of the recession.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
