I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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